The Bandit! Journal

Bandit! wishes everyone a fun-filled, wild & crazy Tool Day! Bandit!'s staff has been celebrating Tool Day for over three dog generations. The idea for this bacchanalia of hardware came to Bandit!'s guy one cold winter when he was particularly broke and noticed that Valentine's Day required shelling out bucks he didn't have, to buy something he didn't understand that was going to wilt and get tossed in a week anyway. And he decided he wasn't going to take it anymore! Most holidays that require gift giving have, more or less, a parity between the sexes. Guys and girls can both expect to both give and receive gifts. But, not on Valentine's Day. Oh no! That's definitely rigged in favor of the ladies. Guys are held hostage by ruthless florists who can charge outrageous prices for flowers that nobody really needs anyway. But guys have to shell out serious bucks for flowers - or else. And there's that whole language of flowers stuff that guys just don't stand a chance of ever comprehending. I mean, most guys can figure out that red roses stand for love, black roses symbolize death and that you, never, ever give a white rose to any girl with whom you would like to have sex. (Is that redundant?). But what does a pink rose or a green rose mean? What would you be saying if you gave her a bouquet with six red roses, two pink roses and four orange roses?